A Post-Modern critique of intellectualism...the opinions expressed do not represent the actual views of the author.

Remember that article I wrote about the self? Well, the newspaper staff thought that it was complete nonsense. Here is the article I wrote for the next issue. I guess that it is as I say "somewhat of an apology," for me being too "philosophical." I guess I condescended, perhaps a little too much...

I think that I should write about something serious. I’ve been fooling around for way too long, and I want to present something to the students of Roslyn High School that they can actually read and use. Therefore, as somewhat of an apology, I have written the following article for each and every student at Roslyn High School.

I really like the Roslyn Crown Players. Seeing AIDA was the highlight of my High School existence (most of my four years here have been spent in a surreal haze of European History classes, Philosophy Club petitions, and Beck albums). I didn’t see Ragtime because I respect E.L. Doctorow (no offense RCP). But I should have seen Fiddler on the Roof, Rumors, and Urinetown (the t-shirts were very clever for Urinetown). The reason that I didn’t see those RCP productions was that I was vehemently against musicals for most of my High School existence (honestly, I was dragged to AIDA by my mother). I was a pretentious fool who was too elitist to just to sit back and enjoy a musical.

However, Mr. Cabat’s Film and Literature class has metamorphosed my Beck, Elliot Smith, and Nietzsche loving pretentious self into a musical obsessed freak. After I watched Singing in the Rain, the boundaries between high culture and low culture completely disintegrated. I found myself not only enjoying dance numbers like “Moses Supposes,” and “Good Morning,” but also realizing that there are messages to be found in them. In “Make ‘Em Laugh,” character Cosmo Brown goes into a dancing freak-out, in which he bounces off walls and tries to seduce a dummy. It may be a stretch, but I feel as if I can take away from the dance number that life is about sometimes acting a little crazy, having fun, and making people laugh. Sadly, in all of my philosophical inquiries, I haven’t come across better advice than what Singing in the Rain has given me. Maybe from now on, I’ll watch Gene Kelley musicals instead of reading Plato.

I am not satisfied, though.

Watching musicals is fun and purposeful. I get it, but I want to act in plays. I don’t like to sing and dance, and there is no venue for real stage acting at Roslyn High School. What am I supposed to do? No. What are we supposed to do? When one student at Roslyn High School feels alienated, I believe that we must step up as a community and take action. I have a suggestion. RCP should put on a one act plays night where students who don’t like to sing or dance, like me, can act. And I’ll even make a deal with you, RCP. If you put on a one act plays night, then I will go see Damn Yankees.

I guess I’m trying to teach you something, Roslyn High School (or probably the only person who reads this column – my mother). I am a human being, not a philosophical robot. I enjoy long walks on the beach, Sundays at church with Pastor Schlemiel, reruns of SpongeBob Squarepants, good old-fashioned peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with the crust cut off, and Hannah Montana. Yes. Although she poses a philosophical dilemma to me concerning the self, Hannah Montana/ Miley Stewart/ Miley Cyrus (daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus, who sings my favorite song “Achy Breaky Heart”) is one of my favorite singers or dare I say, divas?

Alright, I’ll stop the nonsense.

RCP just remember that the offer is always on the table. Also, students of Roslyn High School just remember that you shouldn’t like something just because it is ‘elite’ or popular. You should like something because you genuinely enjoy it. No, scrap that. Who am I to tell you what you should like? I like Hannah Montana for God’s sake…